I hate being human

There are many reasons to hate being human....gravity, conversation instead of reading minds, the whole metabolism and body process stuff....but these things are not really what I meant when I wrote the title of this blog.

See, today was a bad day. I started out tired and it went down hill from there. I am going through a bit of the duldrums lately.....feeling like I lack purpose even while being in this wonderful place called Africa. I am here aren't I.....where so many want to be, should I feel like every day is full of purpose. That every time I blink I am doing something to save the world?

Actually, it doesn't really work like that... hate to disappoint you if you thought it did.

When I worked for UPS, my title was Employee Services Specialist....wow, nice title huh? So what did I do...well, I specialized is serving employees...in every capacity possible.

I also assisted several top level managers. I wasn't their secretary...I didn't get coffee and I rarely did any typing...but I did take projects off of their hands, learn new parts of the business and often did their jobs for them so they could aspire to do other things like build the next HR system, or go to TONS of meetings with other big executives.

I liked my job. Sure, I got bored....in fact about every 6 weeks or so I would come to my boss and say..."Steven, I am getting bored, what else can I do?" He was so good with me...so patient. He would give me a project....send me to another location to train others....He always supported my hairbrained ideas....an ACCESS Training Class...sure....a trip to Chicago for training, sure.

I specialized in presentations...you know on powerpoint. I would make his for him and I would make my own. I loved training...I loved helping employees.

So, if I loved my job, why aren't I still there....see...I thought I heard God call and say "Do this for me...not UPS".
Two years after I quit at UPS....I came to Africa to do just that. So what is going on now....am I bored? I can't put my finger on it quite yet....but something needs a little tweaking in my life...

I wish it was all mechanical...a schedule change...a new project...a title...a spreadsheet....unfortunately I think it is emotional and spiritual. I think that there is root deep in my heart that leads to Rage and bitterness and some how it is being triggered once every two months or so.

See, I hate being human. With human emotions...but I just press in ....not because I am amazing, but because I don't know what else to do. Prayer is good...I could use some of that....thanks!